Evan Kaufman: Formerly a Dude, Now a Dad (and so much more…)

In Episode 53, you’ll get to meet the hilarious Evan Kaufman. Evan is another fellow plate-spinner, like me, tackling numerous projects all at once and laughing in the face of fear of new(ish) parenthood whilst doing so. You might even say he guffaws at it. People may look at you funny if you do. But, go ahead. Try it anyway.

We really tackled a lot of different topics in this conversation. We kicked right in with a discussion about the early phases of a baby and the common difficulty of the bond with dad during those early times because of the "blank slate" that young baby can represent.

We joked a little about the difference between us and our wives with what we choose to binge watch or even watch in bed before bedtime. Evan and I, similarly, watch dark stuff and things that dig into our souls a little. I won’t speak for his wife, but my wife would much rather re-watch a light sitcom for the 20th time than delve into something that may prove to be a little heavy or suspenseful. My wife is still trying to erase her memory of our journey with the show Lost.

Evan talks a bit about his grandparents and their deep roots in Wisconsin and how his Dad created the beginning of change by moving out of Wisconsin. Evan’s Dad lost his Dad when he was under 25 years old. So, for those who have followed the podcast to this point or have heard me talk about my circumstances, I can absolutely empathize with what that can look like. We even get into how, given[ his Dad’s technique at wooing his Mom, there was a possibility Evan could not have even come to exist.

Our discussion about Evan and his wife walked us down the road of the collaborative effort that "adulting" can be with partners in parenting. We praised our wives and that praise then got heaped onto women in general. Just a little reminder that this podcast isn’t just for men or only about men. Without woman: there is no man. And, certainly (and obviously), without woman: there is no Dad.

Evan praises his Dad for how great he was with managing time and being creative with doing things with his kids. We got a little into the battle between wanting to share experiences that we loved as children with our kids and wanting to give them experiences that we maybe missed out on. The story Evan tells about being a teenager and bailing out on his Dad to hang with friends is that gut-punch that we all fear as parents… dreading that moment when our kids no longer have the same level of interest in us.

We had a discussion about how important it is for people, not just men, to advocate for themselves. Evan primarily brought this up in relation to his feeling like his Dad maybe didn’t excel at that… and didn’t maybe chase things that he would have liked to do in life. The things that get left on peoples’ live’s proverbial shelf to gather dust for maybe no great reason is kind of saddening. Especially things that people can do within the realm of everything else going on in their life. Evan’s observance of that in his Dad’s life really struck a chord and I appreciated him bringing it up so my audience can think about that, in case they are leaving things un-done or not really attempted in their own lives.

Did you all read that last part? Go back and read that. Make some plans to do some things you’ve set aside. Now we can move along in this further after you’ve done that.

I used to work in the cubicle world. Oh, boy… did I ever. I worked for a big beverage company (I won’t name-drop here…) for a little over 5 years about 12 years ago. I eventually worked my way into their Accounting department before leaving that company for another cubicle job. At that large company, I worked for 13 plus years, working internationally, traveling a ton and basically doing a cubicle-type, semi-monotonous and severely unrewarding job. So, when I talked with Evan about how I know that feeling of being unfulfilled by the thing that you are spending the majority of your waking hours doing, I really meant it.

Life can really be a cycle in that way. I truly believe that it becomes near-impossible to put that much into your relationships and the people around you if you have nothing that is filling you up in any way. And that goes for all humans on this planet we live on. Not just the men, not just the Dads… this is for everyone. Not tooting my own horn for using this example, but if you didn’t get my comparison to the early Tom Hanks character in Joe Versus The Volcano, go check that out somehow. You’ll see what I mean.

Finally, we heralded the praises of the greatest gift to new parents: caffeine.

Evan has so much going on. If you liked what you heard here, you can find him either via his vlog on Fatherly called "Dude To Dad", on fellow Osiris Network podcast "God Ween Evan" or even out in New York every month on stage in "Your Love, Our Musical".

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Intro and Outro music proudly provided with a partnership by Umphrey’s McGee.

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